To the mom who had to put her career on hold..

I see you, I hear you, and I am you

Maybe your reading this because remote learning drove you to this point, or the cost of childcare is so high that it doesn’t make sense to work outside the home,  or maybe you are like me and don’t feel comfortable sending your child to school or daycare, and hell whatever your situation is, it’s not easy.. but please remember that you DID NOT waste your college education or any training you did. You are doing your part to keep yourself and child safe and there is nothing wrong with that.

 I remember the exact moment I chose to stop working. My daughter came down with two different life-threatening illnesses in the span of a month. It was right then I decided it was my job or daughter’s health, and I couldn’t take another sleepless night of watching her breathe.

I’m sure you also miss the hustle and bustle of the office. The flowing coffee, using the bathroom alone,  dressing up, speaking at meetings, And people writing down what you say. I know that I miss the hot lunches with intelligent conversations, the meetings that could have been an email, and the emails that should have been a meeting. But I don’t miss the dinner, bath, bed mad dash, the pumping, bottle washing, and tearful drop-offs.

Our days have been replaced with Sesame Street, ABCs, nursery rhymes, and a never-ending to-do list. Sometimes our lunches are the leftover Mac and cheese or whatever the kids refused to eat. There are always copious amounts of laundry to be run, a floor to be washed, dishes to be cleaned, toys scattered across the floor, and you feel like you can’t catch a break. You do your best to keep abreast of the latest happenings in your field while you manage all household operations. I’m sure sometimes you feel aghast how they are going on without you.

 Sometimes you fear if you will ever get to go back.. will you still be smart? Will you remember how to write a report or have an intelligent conversation if your brain is filled with all the Nursery Rhymes? What do you talk to other adults about besides the latest episode of Daniel Tiger?… I wonder this too,

I remember an odd feeling of despair washed over me when I heard my job had been taken. Just like that, I had been replaced as if I was never there. Now when I look into the eyes of the little girl I created, I remember I did this for her. To be there that first year and beyond, to see every tiny milestone firsthand, and witness all the first words.. and most importantly because I am her mother and she needs me to guide her and be her safe place through this big scary world.

So while we miss our careers, when we get done raising these babies and singing nursery rhymes, there will be jobs waiting for us… maybe even our dream ones! The dress pants, tote bags, planners, and cute pens will still be on the store shelves, the coffee will still be flowing, there will be a manager waiting to assign us our next task, and we will start anew. Instead of a tearful daycare drop-off, they will wave goodbye as they run to join their friends, and we will cry tears of Joy knowing we did it right…And while we will still carry the mental load for our family, maybe, just maybe we will carry a little less guilt.

-Chrissy Falkenham

About the Author

My name is Chrissy and I am a SAHM in NH to 14 month old toddler, two dogs, and cat! When I’m not blogging or managing chaos, you can find me sampling craft beer, trying a new recipe, or on a hike with my family